Howdy

Over the course of the weekend just gone, several things happened, most of which will bore you, some of which will make you blush, and some would simply get me arrested!

Above all else one will stick in my mind, it ended with a woman sat on the bus staring at me like I was about to pin her to the floor with the corpse of her dead Aunt Mildred and slap her round the face with a cold pancake (try it, it’s not as nice as your thinking). How this came to be is a long story, well not that long, since I’m at work at the moment, it needs to be kept brief……


So I’ll start at the beginning.


Most people will be aware that for the last few days the .xml file your Eve characters has been bust. Really bust, so bust that you couldn’t use it, that’s fairly bust, don’t you think?

This led be close to desperation, so close I took up drinking, yes that’s correct, I started drinking FRUIT JUICE!!! May god forgive me! I had to find a way of making sure that I remembered when skills were going to finish, so that I didn’t waste any of the extremely precious time in which to gain more SP*. This gave me several options, well two-I’ve never been that creative….

Firstly I tried just to remember when the skills were likely to finish, this could have gone better, because although I did remember that I needed to start Missile Projection to lvl 3, I was already dribbling down my chin sat in the corner of some bar by the time came around (it had been a long week at work!). When I did regain my sobriety the next day I dutifully started the skill going, and proceeded to put on my running shoes (there is a good reason for this, that I’m fairly sure should be illegal), and started to leave the house.

Since my first attempt to remember skill changes hadn’t gone too well I decided to try my second option. Grabbing the first pen I saw I scribbled the next skill that I wanted to train, and time that would be able to start it onto the back of my hand.

What seemed like hours, and several gut wrenching cramps later I found myself many miles from home, and knowing full well that I wouldn’t be able to get home under my own power by the end of the day, let alone ready for the skill finishing, I grabbed the first bus that ambled my way.

The bus was full, standing space only, but hay, that’s why we have legs, because humanity can’t manage to put enough seats on a bus. This is why I found myself standing next to a woman, who, on later reflection may have been Dean Gaffney’s older (and uglier) sister.

It was only halfway through the journey that I noticed the woman next to me (Mrs Gaffney) slowly moving away from me, it was around this point that her face took on the appearance of a bung beetles testicle.
It suddenly dawned on me that I’d worked up quite a sweat during the morning, and she didn’t look like the sort that was into the “natural” aroma of a man.

I shrugged it of faster than a midget wrestler on heat. It was only after I got my breath back, and started to slowly regain consciousness, that I put together a few things.

Firstly I had just ran for a buss, in the middle of one of the hottest days so far this year. As a result I was sweating like an oiled hippo in an orgy. It must have looked like I was nervous…

Secondly I looked like I was about to die due to the aforementioned running, I didn’t have my happy face on, I’d left that 5 miles behind me as I ran up a hill.

Thirdly I had “15:20 – Start bomb” wrote on the back of my hand, it happened to be just gone quarter past three.

If your still not sure where I’m going with this you really need to read more Jessica Fletcher. Short story is, I’m fairly sure that the woman on the bus thought I was about to set of a bomb and ruin her nice new Sunday dress (it wasn’t that nice, in fact it looked like a baby seal had exploded in her lap, I just thought the sentence sounded top notch)

Now in hindsight, I realise it was a bit dumb to abbreviate “smart bomb” to “bomb” on the back of my hand and then place a time next to it. Especially on a crowded bus…but hay, how was I supposed to know I’d run into the only woman in England that can read my illiterate scrawl - sideways, on a moving bus!

Sometimes I’m convinced god hates me. But then I’m not sure I like him either, he never buys me cake.

I know this is a very tentative link to Eve, but hay, its my Blog, so screw you!


*if you don’t know what SP’s are, then leave now and play WoW, and if you don’t know what WoW is, then keep reading-there is hope for you yet.